I feel like Parmenides!

While rereading the beginning of Parmenides' poem, I was struck by the thought that I feel very much like Parmenides. Perhaps I've reached aporia.

My mom said recently that I don’t seem to have any idea what the hell I’m doing. She was exactly right. I have no fucking clue where I'm going in life, though I do have a good feeling that where I've been in the past was not the best path for me. I know that Christianity ("the opinions of mortals, in which there is no true assurance") didn't not work for me, as I expected it to, and that I need to veer in some other direction.

So fate has dragged me, like Parmenides, against my will, into an excellent state of knowing jack shit. (I feel like the antagonist who gets grabbed by what seem to resemble shades, at the end of Ghost, the 1990 movie.) But at least fate has kindly and explicitly informed me that I know jack shit. I truly enjoy this whole "Scio me nescire" (I know that I know nothing) thing. And fate also left me one last tool in my box, which is the ability to discern what did not work for me, so I don’t have to repeat the same mistakes.

I recently reflected that every philosophy I’ve picked up has been a direct response to what has just transpired in my life. This is critically important, and somewhat comforting, because my emotional, psychological, and mental well-being, truly everything, is subject to my circumstances. So, I conclude that I should just allow myself to settle down on whatever spaces the dice take me to, like a game of Monopoly. I’m just a piece in the game. I’m not running the game. I didn't even pick what kind of piece I got to be (why do Republicans always pick the iron?). I’m just jumping around to space after space. Some of those spaces are more expensive than others - Christianity is my Boardwalk. I’m not sure what space I’ll be on at the end of the game, but I do know that ultimately, it’s up to fate to take me where it wants me to go.

So I suppose if fate wants me to be the next Uri Geller, then bend spoons I shall, as fucking stupid as it may sound. And I think that’s somewhat calming.